Can I get some bread?

I cringe every time I hear those words. What do we look like, the fucking bakery? Really, everything is ala carte in most places, what makes you entitled to some bread? Are you that special that you deserve royal treatment?

Anyhow, these were a few videos I stumbled on while scanning YouTube for serving related videos. Can I get some bread is a very nicely produced mini-film very similar to "Waiting" but a little bit more vile at the end. It's borderline racist at best.







I also liked this video, despite the bad quality and use of your own imagination to make the scenery work for you. These are things we deal with every day, even if we don't work at Red Lobster. (I never worked at a Red Lobster.)

I can't complain money wise...

...but I can sure complain sanity wise. After a full year and a half, I am back. I am working in a corner restaurant bar and grill, or should I say, lack of. Nothing peeves me more than outdoor dining...NOTHING!

As much as I hated the outdoor cess pool at my old chain restaurant, I hate it even more where I am now. One of the biggest peeves has to be the fact that I am not only the bartender on duty, but sometimes also the manager and server on duty. Rather than just make things easy, our bosses will not allow us to write "Seat yourself" on our black board. Instead, when I am doing at least two of the three above tasks, I am interrupted by some person who looks like a deer in headlights who asks sheepishly "can we have a table outside?" I tell them "I'll be right out there, sit anywhere you'd like" only to be told a number of drinks and things I can get them while I am busy making things for my other guests. A simple thing, a blackboard, "SEAT YOURSELF." What is so hard or uninviting about that? At the chain restaurant, once we started doing that, we eliminated the problem of people sitting down at tables that still had money and dirty plates, utensils, and glasses on it. Of course, that was after we added that "at a clean table" to the end of the invitation. Either way, as uninviting as it sounds, it's a little less annoying to deal with than being interrupted every five minutes during a dinner rush for some idiot who can't figure out that the other twenty five people have seated themselves and were greeted by the waiter or waitress who is walking around.

Another highly annoying peeve is the people who are seated outside and insist on coming into the restaurant to pay their bill by handing it off to anyone on duty as their server is coming outside to pick up the payment. There is no cash register for the servers, and if you bother the bartender, you're only taking away from their main focus. People reading this, grow some patience. Your credit card and the bill will still be there in five minutes. If you're in a rush to see a movie, eat after the movie.

Back to square one

That's right folks! I'm back in serving action. I will have some more tales from the restaurant coming your way within a matter of days. It feels almost good to be back...

It's been a long time folks...

That's right, I'm still here, and once again, serving food. It really isn't so bad right now because I am in a place where I seem to be well appreciated by both the staff and those dining. I am still working in a corporate chain restaurant, so the fun never ends! Birthday songs and free refills ahoy!

I have also made this blog now open to comments from anyone who views this site. Please feel free to leave comments, even though I might not write back, I will read each and every one of them.

I had a few memorable tips in my restaurant that I just feel the need to proclaim:

$5 on $50 from 2 women and a baby who asked me to bag up their leftover mashed potatoes and cut up chicken tenders with ketchup all over them. They also left me a wonderful mess of napkins underneath the table. What fun!

$3 on $60 from a couple who just had to have a frozen margarita when our bartender got slammed with a whole bar full of people and a few tables. I knew I was in for it when they handed me $70 and asked me for change. That really helps me pay my bills!

$8 on $85 from a party of 7 college kids. Usually the college kids are pretty good tippers, but these ones were just flat out annoying with the "Uhhhh where's our refills???" All they had to do was ask for one in the first place and I would've gladly gotten it. A comment like that is just assuming that I am a mind reader and realize you need a refill everytime your cup gets half full. Sheesh...It must be nice to have a Saturday or Sunday off and be able to go out to lunch with friends while screwing up a server's rotation because there are so many of you without a guaranteed gratuity.

The fun never ends in these parts, and I can only hope that the rest of the Spring season goes well and provides me with less stories to write about.

Yes, I'm still here...

And I still have plenty to bitch and moan about...

So after being declined the opportunity to upgrade, I took a downgrade. Yes everyone, Expeditors are Human too... and I say that with several months of torture and agony behind me. While working in the kitchen I often wonder just who is sitting at these tables that I am sending the food out to. As I fill the little cups of sauce, I wonder if those chicken salads with "Extra Dressing on Side" belong to some of the worthless pieces of human waste who have left me a $2 tip on an $80 tab in the past. Still, I work hard to maintain "Quality Control" as my managers say it is. The more and more broke I become, the more I long to serve again on occasion. It will come soon enough... I will now go on to write about the last night I served tables back in September of 2006.

I had an above average night. It made me feel good that I was asked to serve instead of Expedite. For the most part the tips were good, the staff was steady, and the managers were laid back. Around 9PM I recieved the kiss of death table. Yes, they were a table I've had before...total trash that can make even Spiderman go dizzy....

I greeted these fine people and quickly got their drinks: Four diet colas, four waters, a plate of lemons, and two cups of ice on the side. They then ordered only French onion soups for two of the adults, and full country chicken meals and chicken fingers for the ones who spoke. That night, since I was serving, we had no expediter, so it was up to the servers to pull the food, garnish it, and send it out. Of course, all of my stuff came out on time, but things were missing. As soon as I walked over to the table I glanced and noticed what was missing....and then it happened....

The wonderful guest with the bad mullet informed me that I "FORGOT" some things, so she took it upon herself to write a list on a napkin of all of the things I "FORGOT."

1 cup of honey mustard
napkins (sorry honey, you have to ask for those)
1 ramekin of cole slaw
garlic toast (did not come with her meal)

...and then she asked me for a side of mashed potatoes and how much they would cost. I quickly said that since I normally work in the kitchen, I can get a side of mashed potatoes for free. She then asked me for 4 sides of them. Ouch! How the hell am I supposed to sneak out 4 sides of mashed potatoes for free in front of my manager?

Needless to say... I got it for them, assured them that I didn't "FORGET" any items and that it was merely a mistake on the part of whoever sent out the food and then was thanked over and over by them.

Thanks for the $1 tip assholes.

:)

Now you're fucking famous.

Restaurant Jobs - When to bury the hatchet?

Like any job, restaurant jobs can either be fun or your worst enemy. I will admit, when I started at my restaurant, it was a new, fun, and exciting atmosphere. The money was good, my co-workers became my family, and the clientel was decent. Forward 3 years, and the clientel is hit or miss. This automatically makes all of the other pros become void.

When should you bury the hatchet?

If you're like me, you're working a server to make money. That is why people get jobs; to pay the bills. If you can't cover your living expenses but are comfortable at a job, pick up a second job or move on to something with better pay. A restaurant will function without you. You are only a number (literally, just look at your employee ID and how impersonal it is.) I am so sick of hearing people complain that they are not making money and then doing nothing about it. There are options out there!

Craigslist.org - A great place to start looking for jobs. Private restaurants usually pay a better wage for servers and often have less tip out than corporate dining.

Bartending schools - A good way to become a bartender, but only do one that has job placement.

I am convinced that Monster.com and Hotjobs.com are full of scams, so stay away from those.

HCareers.com - Restaurant/Hospitality jobs with online applications (some casual dining.)

Hopefully I've covered some of the things to keep you from being as miserable as I am in my current state.

Maybe I shouldn't be this bitter?

$117 on $1,366.xx in sales. Ouch.

What seemed like a night that was going fairly well, turned into shit. I have the anti-midas touch when it comes to turning things to shit. It started off with some $5 on $80's and a few $2 on $40's. Overall, my food was coming out as ordered, everything was timely, and I can't say I was in the weeds at all despite not being used to closing. By the end of the night I had witnessed quite a few of the most annoying things you can do to a server.

I had a guy who anytime he wanted a refill (mind you him and his friends sat in my section for 2+ hours and left me $2 on $65) point at the glass. I really should've been like "Why are you pointing at your glass?" To me this is one of the rudest and most inconsiderate gestures ever. It's almost as bad as finger snapping and that "come to me" closing and opening of the hand gesture.

I also had a table that had small children who felt it was a good idea to turn quesadillas into confetti. They threw bread pieces all over the whole section. Boy was this fun cleaning up at the end of the night!

Let's not forget the people who wanted to send back their frozen mixed drinks claiming there wasn't enough alcohol in it. For one, I am a trained and certified bartender, just not at our restaurant. I know for a fact that there is 1oz of alcohol in that drink. Most chain restaurants will mix the liquor in the blender, whereas a bar will pour the liquor in the glass and put the frozen mix over it in a cocktail glass. The reason a chain restaurant does this is so that you can just barely taste the alcohol and will potentially order a second one. In other words, it has enough alcohol in it, GET OVER IT!

I had a few tables ask me to "hook them up" with various food items that they couldn't afford. Thanks for shorting me on the bill too. That really helps me pay my bills.

You have to love those people who will just keep ordering stuff for themselves and their family, but think nothing about how badly you need the money you're working to get. I mean, come on, I make $2.13 an hour! I must be extremely loaded after 13 hours on the floor.

Stories of Feast?

Tip20.com is probably one of my favorite sites when it comes to hearing people bitch about their bad work environments. They have a forum on there where people can talk about their bad experiences or their good experiences. Stories of Famine are obviously the bad ones, and Stories of Feast are the good ones. The last two shifts have been of feast. I can't complain about any of it. Maybe it's because my co-workers have been reading through these entries, or maybe it's just my server karma finally catching up. (I did shell out over 80 bux in tips in the past 2 weeks, so I would hope so!) Either way, things have been looking up. The summer is coming which of course means all of the kids, but also the busy lunches with graduations and summer birthdays. Only time will tell if the summer will be as much of a success as the last two have been in my restaurant. We shall see...

In Appreciation of my Co-Workers and Managers

Originally this post was going to be called "Bartenders are human too" as a thank you to a bartender at work who found my blog's name humorous. In all honesty, every single job in the restaurant business sucks. No matter how much you are being paid, you are still dealing with high stress and drama. Sure, people will say "you have that at every job" but they do not know what it is like until they've waited tables or have at least worked in food service.

Here I am going to break down the crucial parts of our restaurant.

Hosts: They deal with the people from the second they enter the door. The host can either make or break the guest's mood. The host's job is to seat the guest(s), talk to them along the way, and let them know any specials of the day/week/month. It may seem easy, but it is extremely stressful when you're in an hour and a half wait and have the same four people coming up every five minutes asking if you skipped their name. How about the people that come fifteen minutes after you called their name and then complain that they didn't hear it? The poor hosts also deal with the crowded waiting area and the fact that they aren't even able to sneak in a bite or a drink for hours at a time while trying to keep the waiting masses calm.

Servers: The servers take a majority of the impact of the restaurant. The server does literally everything for the guest. They are responsible for making that person's experience an enjoyable one. I could go on and on here, but there are plenty of other posts in regards to servers, so I'll spare you.

Bartenders: The bartenders in chain restaurants are responsible for making 95-100% of the non-fountain drinks. Bartenders are often unappreciated in chain restaurants. They do make the most money sometimes, but often have a lot of prep work and closing side work to do that most non-chain bars do. Bartenders have to take care of their own guests while also managing the service bar (tickets that servers ring in for their tables) and sometimes takeout. While this might not sound like a lot of work, imagine having 20-30 bar guests who need refills, 5 tickets of frozen drinks, 3 takeout pickups, and a whole list of people you have to call back to make sure their takeout order was good.

Cooks/Prep/Dishwashers: Another extremely unappreciated job! These are the people who make the restaurant function in the way it does. If the dishwasher stops washing dishes and silverware, your guests don't have plates or silverware. The cooks can also make or break a table. If they don't read the screen or tickets, sometimes things will come out wrong. Cooks are human too! We all make mistakes! It's normal to make a mistake here or there. I consider the ticket/expediter's screen system similar to highway hypnosis. Almost everything on that screen is a repeat of something you've done earlier, so while it is important to pay attention to details, it is natural to sometimes miss the slightest of details. Your cooks make sure your hungry guests are fed, and therefore make sure there is money being placed in your pockets.

Expediters: Expo's are a crucial part of the kitchen. Expo's control how the food is being presented when it leaves the line. The expo is yet another unappreciated job when it comes to food coming out wrong. It is the servers job to ring the order in correctly. It is the expo's job to make sure it comes out as it was rung in on the ticket, correcting the chefs on occasion, or letting a manager know of any potential problems. Once again, expo's are crucial, and like servers, they sometimes forget that you told them a modification after ringing in the food wrong!

Managers: Manager's are extremely underappreciated! They deal with every problem you can think of that nobody else on the staff wants to touch. Angry guests, angry employees, hiring people, terminating people, calling cabs, potentially harmful guests, food allergies, paperwork, ordering supplies, maintenance, inventory, you name it, they deal with it. Sure, the managers have the power, but how do you think they got there? They started in one of the jobs stated above and worked their way up whether it was through hard work or not. They still deal with the worst of the worst situations and often take over when any of the people above can no longer handle the situation.

So in appreciation, this is for all of my co-workers and managers for making my job easier than it could be.

I love old ladies...okay I'm lying...

Yesterday was almost like an amusement park ride on the verge of breaking down. Our restaurant was surprisingly very busy for the first time in weeks on a lunch shift. Of course, being that it's graduation time, families are bringing their graduate out for a nice free dessert and a birthday turned into graduation song.

My day started off with the kisses of death themselves. I had just dropped a check on a table and went to greet my new table. Usually when you greet a table, you take a drink and appetizer/soup order. These were the slow answering type who didn't quite know what they wanted. I tried to take just the drink order, but they wouldn't let me leave. I had to sit there and read through the menu with the mother/wife of this family because apparently nobody else at this table knew how to read, not even the graduation boy. The table who I just left the check for needed change of $100 so I had to actually get another server to break the change for me at the bar while this family asked me what came with what and how much everything was even though the prices were in front of their face.

This family ordered steaks for the parents, shrimp in a basket, and a cheeseburger for the kids. I repeated the order back not one, but three times in order to verify what they were ordering was what they really wanted. Sometimes you have to do things like that when someone asks how many ounces each steak are, and how many shrimp come in a basket, if fries are extra on a burger platter, etc. Anyhow, I had three other tables to take care of, so I got their order in and went about my business. These kind of folks are priceless. They consist of kids who don't know how to read the menu themselves, parents who order for their teenagers, and then the wife who orders for the husband and the really sweet and nice husband who can't thank you enough. This wicked witch of a wife called me over to the table every single time I stepped foot into my section. Actually, she didn't call me, she waved her hand and snapped her fingers. After their food had come out, she says to me "I asked for no mushrooms on this steak." So i replied back, no you didn't, I repeated the order three times. You had four chances to tell me that you didn't want mushrooms." In actuality, she probably didn't even read the menu or know what she was ordering. She ordered the largest steak with shrimp combo that we had and had the steak cooked well done. She also complained about the size of the steak. After that incident she snapped her fingers and waved her hands again like she was hailing a cab. I asked her if I could do anything for her and she asked for the side of shrimp she ordered with one of her kids cheeseburger. I told her again that she didn't order a side of shrimp, just a shrimp basket. Her kid looked at me like he had no idea what was going on. I am not a mind reader, so I asked her if she'd like me to ring in a side of shrimp. She said no, so I left again to do sidework and run food. When I was greeting another table, she was waving like she was having a seizure, so I asked my other table to hang on for a minute. She then asked me to ring in the shrimp. I rang them in but when they came out there were literally six to eight shrimps. She complained about the price so I got my manager to greet the table. Then they were fine and dandy...or so I thought.

When I dropped the check, the lady handed me $5. The bill was already at $58. She then asks me to ring in a shrimp basket dinner to go. I gave her a new bill which came out to $68. She paid with a credit card and left nothing extra.

To top that incident off, I got sat with 5 old ladies who complained about the size of the booth. Unfortunately we were on a wait so I couldn't shift them to the other side of the restaurant. They ordered 5 waters with lemons, a pitcher of water with lemons, and 5 bacon cheeseburgers with sauteed onions. Sauteed onions are an upcharge of a measly 75 cents. When I came back with the 5 waters with lemons, one of the ladies says to me "No! I want my cup filled with this much ice and this much water!" So I came back with a glass filled to the top with ice and probably a few ounces of water. I also brought them the pitcher of water which they were very thankful for.

When their food came out they were in heaven. They were chowing down on those burgers like you've never seen someone eat. I swore they were going to eat the wax paper and the burger plate. I asked them how everything was and they said "Absolutely delicious" "Wonderful" "Thank you so much" and other kind words. When I dropped the check, that was another story.

Their bill couldn't have been more than $43. They complained about the $3.75 total upcharge for the sauteed onions on the burger. Then I heard comments like "Those onions weren't even cooked!" "They weren't very good" and other sob stories. My manager didn't want to deal with them, so he comped off the onions. Their bill was now under $40. They did tip me okay, but it was quite the pain ringing in 5 burgers with onions that had to be well cooked and melted under the cheese. After they left I went in the garbage area and saw that those onions were in fact cooked and melted in. Anything to save a buck.